Necro-Phil: Here's your interview! Now you can take your clothes off! Even if I can't see it, It's still nice to know you're naked because of me!
Zombie-A-GoGo: Uh...sure Phil. Tell us about your childhood, Necro-Phil.
NP: I grew up as a very happy child in an upper class neighborhood with a very loving and supporting family. No, wait a minute, I was an orphan, and the nuns used to beat me horribly! It was a terrible and tragic childhood!!! Or was I a test-tube baby raised by two lesbian Vegas showgirls? Hey, that one sounds good, we’ll stick with that!!!
ZAGG: How long have you been dead and how did it come about?
NP: I was killed in 1998 by a horrible chainsaw accident. I was cleaning it, and it just went off.
ZAGG: How did you manage to land the Dead of Night with Necro-Phil gig?
NP: I created it! That’s how! Most people are stupid and leave their life insurance to their family or some crap, I left me my own fortune! Then I used it to start the show, which makes a ton of money and gets me laid by hot chicks on a regular basis. It’s great!
ZAGG: What is your most memorable moment on the set of The Dead of Night?
NP: Geez, that’s tough, normally I’m so drunk I don’t have ANY memorable moments. It would have to have been the day we had screenwriter Mike Watt on the set. I had five circus clowns beat him into a coma! That was great! Then we stuck him in a box with dirty tampons and mailed him to France. HA!! He was pissed for weeks!! HA HA HA!!!!
ZAGG: You’re an accomplished author, with titles like I’m Just Amazing, Don’t You Wish You Could be Me? and the best seller Top Ten Things to Do with Your Hands while Reading a Book by Necro-Phil. Do you think you’ll try you hand at some fiction in the future? Any ideas?
NP: Sure I could write fiction, but where’s the fun in that? It’s much more fulfilling to write about how much better I am than everyone else.
ZAGG: You’re friends with writer John Grisham…how did the two of you meet?
NP: I taught his wife a trick or two, which I guess she showed him later. It helped their marriage work out, so he forgave the… uh… indiscretion and now we’re pals.
ZAGG: You make an appearance in The Resurrection Game—how was that experience for you?
NP: It could have been better. I was supposed to play the lead, of course, but budget cuts, scheduling conflicts, and my perpetual drinking got in the way. Still, there were a few hot chicks on the set, so it was OK.
ZAGG: How were the filmmakers to work with? I hear that Bill Homan can be a little unpredictable…can you vouch for that?
NP: He’s just an ass! That guy is so controlling, always thinking he can make me say certain words or do specific things! It was like the guy always had his hand up my ass! What a jerk…..
ZAGG: I understand there was some sort of embarrassing mishap on Severe Injuries concerning your naked body missing its head…you want to explain that? How do you feel about your own nudity in film?
NP: Yeah, that sucked… There was some broad on the set who kept comin’ on to me, and I thought she said she wanted to give ME head, but she wanted to give My head, to her mom. I guess I should listen when people talk, but she was wearin’ a real tight t-shirt, and I figured, who cares what she’s sayin?!?! As far as MY nudity in films? There should be more of it. In fact, I’m not even wearing pants right now!
ZAGG: You’ve been making the convention rounds…how has that been for you? Any particular moments you’d like to share?
NP: Conventions are great! One night stands in cheap motels!! What more could a dead guy want? Genghis Con was the best so far. There was this one really hot tampon-caddy, and while I was watchin’ her ass, she dropped her wallet and wandered away, so I went right over there and took it! There was $32 in there!
ZAGG: Where do you see yourself in ten years?
NP: Rotting inside an eighteen year old lap-flounder, part of me anyway, who’s name I won’t even know!
ZAGG: Anything in the works for Necro-Phil that fans can look forward to?
NP: I’m working on a college girl exploitation piece called “Girls Gone Dead” with my new sidekick, Mini-Phil, who is really just a smaller, less perfect version of me. Completely original!
ZAGG: What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
NP: Snappy Turtle, there’s even a song about it-
Snappy Turtle Ice cream
Is good for YOU!
You can even put it
In your Shoe!
It’s better than sex
Or making 80 bucks!
Snappy Turtle Ice Cream
‘Cause everything else SUCKS!!!!!
Is good for YOU!
You can even put it
In your Shoe!
It’s better than sex
Or making 80 bucks!
Snappy Turtle Ice Cream
‘Cause everything else SUCKS!!!!!
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Unknown said...
There was so much wrong there... I'm just ashamed to have been party to it. - Mike Watt